Mum is a person who, in her constant and genuine bid to try be as warm and amiable as possible, doesn't know how to say NO to people. At times this trait of hers makes me wonder, especially when I see her overwhelmed trying to juggle between the numerous promises she would have made to people or even worse, torn after not living up to all those promises and others' expectations! And these days I'm realising I'm just like her!!
I'm one who finds it incredibly unnatural to say NO to people. It's not that I'm afraid of direct confrontation, mind you, because I happen to be way more comfortable with thrashing an issue there and then so as to avoid complicating matters further, and hurting people or getting hurt. Yet, as much as I try to be assertive and say "No, I can't help you with that bit, just go do it yourself" or "Maybe next time, but I happen to be busy today", I always find myself tagging along :/ And if I don't, I usually feel guilty afterwards! So to avoid that guilt, I simply say 'yes' again only to end up feeling miserable and overwhelmed for the 15 days that follow. If not more...
Not knowing how to be assertive and say no to people is also, as I'm growing to realise, putting me in uncomfortable situations where I end up having to justify myself with my loved ones. Each time I don't manage to say no to someone's request and try to fit in everything and everyone in my leisure time, I end up asking my loved ones to wait upon me, postpone or understand. At times, it's no big deal obviously, but at other times (and rightly so) they may probably feel a bit let down or put aside. And it's only then that I realise that I may be not only putting pressure on myself each time I take the whole lot on me, but also on those close to me.
Having read this post, you may be thinking that I'm making a big deal out of nothing, especially if you happen to be a strong, assertive person who has no problem with being blunt and refuse stuff or people whenever necessary. In my case, saying 'no' comes a bit difficult in a way that that, 8 times out of 10, I end up taking on others' stuff, at the expense of mine.
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